Anti-Gravity Days Announced By Government

In a somewhat surprising move, the Government today announced a new public occasion. Starting from the 1st May, every second Tuesday will be designated as an ‘Anti-Gravity day’. The controversial move, which has been described by opposition leaders as ‘cynical’, has been criticised by some commentators as a sensationalist attempt to draw attention from the current global situation. The mechanics of the day have yet to be explained, but it is understood that with the support of Government scientists working at Porton Down, on the designated days, gravity in Britain will be temporarily reversed, with the effect that anything not tied down will fly into the air.

Professor David Higgins, lecturer in Physics at University College London has led a petition by leading academics to reverse the decision. Professor Higgins, interviewed in the Guardian, said ‘This move is patently absurd. It flies in the face of science, logic and reason, and cannot be allowed to proceed.’ The petition, which calls upon the Government to see reason and obey the known laws of physics, has already garnered signatures from over three-thousand leading scientists, and will be delivered to Downing Street tomorrow. A planned march on Westminster in protest at the action has already been cancelled after its leaders were floated into space in what the Government described as a ‘planned test of the systems’.

A press statement issued by the Government explaining the move said that the move was part of a broader package of reforms designed to cut costs. When pressed on this issue, the Home Secretary clarified that this particular move was directed at the aviation industry, with the hope that as more people make their own flights on Anti-Gravity days, new landing fees and taxes may be imposed on the individual, as well as on airlines. Pamphlets on what to expect are currently being delivered by Royal Mail, and should be arriving sometime in the next three decades. The Prime Minister denied that this was a U-turn on previous gravitic policy, insisting that it was time that legislation was tightened in this area.